End of Life Counseling

Pet loss support hotlines (grief counseling)
530-752-4200 or 800-565-1526—Staffed by University of California Davis veterinary students
630-325-1600—Staffed by Chicago VMA
607-253-3932—Staffed by Cornell University veterinary students
217-244-2273(CARE) or 877-394-2273(CARE)—Staffed by University of Illinois veterinary students
888-ISU-PLSH (888-478-7574)—Staffed by Iowa State University veterinary students and volunteers
517-432-2696—Staffed by Michigan State University veterinary students
614-292-1823; e-mail, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it —Staffed by The Ohio State University veterinary students
508-839-7966—Staffed by Tufts University veterinary students
540-231-8038—Staffed by Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine
509-335-5704—Staffed by Washington State University veterinary students

Jane Singletary, Psychologist, M.A.

Counseling for Life and End-of-Life Issues
Including Pet Illness & Loss and Hospice Support

endoflife@handicappedpets.com

I belong to two dogs with life-threating conditions. Abby is a 4 lb, 9 yr old Teacup Poodle who has died twice and I brought her back with chest compressions. She has chronic bronchitis and is on Flovent Inhaler and Albuterol and Torbutrol. I recently (used my instincts and observations) reduced the first two to once a day in the morning and reduced the bronchial dialator (Albuterol) from .3 to .2cc and added the Torb (a cough supressant) every night so she can sleep deeply and heal. She is feeling so much better she is after me often to throw her ball for her and is looking and acting much younger. Sometimes more meds aren't necessarily better, I guess. My vet totally supports me and trusts my observations.

Abby
Greta is a 4 yr old, 100 lb. German shepherd who was recently diagnosed by 2 sets of xrays with an enlarged spleen. She will have an ultrasound in 2 days to try to determine the origin. She feels fine and is hurt and confused about us not throwing her Kong for her all day long or getting to roll on the grass in the sunshine. I've tried to explain it all to her but she is an Aries like me and keeps tossing the Kong at us anyway. It is so scary knowing the spleen could rupture at any moment and she could bleed out before we could save her.

4/17 Update - She appears to be out of danger for now! The specialist who did the ultrasound said her spleen appears to be healthy.

Greta

Well, that's it for the dogs. I also have a 14 1/2 yr old cat, Sam, with congestive heart failure from a nasty bacteria from an ear infection a year ago. The diuretics he was on for a year have damaged his kidneys and he is now on kidney diet food and an Ace-inhibitor for his heart. He is feeling fine again and plays often with the shepherd and his new companion, Sara, a 1 1/2 yr old cat. But I must monitor his breathing several times a day to make sure his lungs aren't filling with fluid again.

Sam

That's the end of the list of challenged companions I serve and care for. Don't know if they qualify as handicapped or not. I won't tell them if they do since they don't see it that way. I am going to try the Embark food and see how they do on it.

I'm a Psychologist, M.A. who specializes in Hospice, Grief and Loss and Pet Loss and Illness therapy. My vet keeps my cards on their counter and I get a call occassionally from somebody who needs someone to listen.

I believe in the Hospice philosophy of a natural death whenever possible. Of course, the animals should be kept free of discomfort. I realize that some people cannot afford the added expense of end-of-life medications and they must choose to put the animal down. It is also a lot of work sometimes and can be messy. I support that decision, too.

For myself, I have only had one of the last five of my pets put to sleep. The rest have been supported emotionally and physically until they died - often in my arms. The last one to pass over was Heidi, a shepherd mix, who died 14 months ago. She went down in my utility room and couldn't stand again so I stayed with her for 2 1/2 days and slept (very little) on the floor beside her. She was alert to the end and it appeared to be hard but painless work for her. I don't think she was ready to go yet and fought it until the end.

Perhaps it seems like the right choice to me because I am a Hospice volunteer and have had several people clients pass over so I am used to the proccess. There is so much intimacy and depth to those last days and hours even with pets. It is an honor to be present for it. Some of my friends believe that when the quality of life is lessened by physical problems that the pet should be put to sleep. What I have discovered with my own pets is that, as long as they are free of pain and nausea, they seem to want to be close to their humans as they always have. That love and closeness is also a quality of life.

Well, enough about Hospice for pets. Everyone must decide the way that is best for themselves and their pet. As for counseling, I am usually called after the pet has died but some talk and preparation before the event might be helpful. I have often wondered if I might also emtionally support and "counsel" other people's pets as I did my own. The animals sense so much that if they were loved and talked to in a way their owners might not be able to, I would think it might help them. Perhaps my vet can help me connect with someone who would be willing to let me try it.

Thanks for the wonderful site and the good work you do.

Jane Singletary endoflife@handicappedpets.com

Letters

Dear Jane,

I read your article on handicappedpets.com. I have a 6 year old cocker-doxie mix. (Picture black cocker with short legs and long body...). I am interested in knowing what you do - with grief counseling and hospice work - for pets. "Sadie" is in end-state renal failure - which I only found out due to going on the website after reading an article in the Critter Exchange. I found a different vet who had an ultrasound done on Sadie and discovered that her kidneys are shot - too small, and getting hard. She isn't processing proteins. She has to have subcutaneous fluids - which is hard for me without help (I live alone on an old farm in rural Maine). She's getting a sub-cue line put in next week so I don't have to stick her with needles the size of a drinking straw every two days. I can't always do it because she looks at me with a look of such betrayal, it's an hour of tears for a few minutes of fluids.

I don't know how long she will be with me. She is my only "child" - and the first pet I've had since I was a kid (except for two rabbits about 15 years ago). (I'm 56.) I know she will tell me when it's time to go. I sat with both of my parents as they died, and spent time as a trained AIDS companion, and am not afraid of the experience, just the aftermath of emotions from losing her.

Please let me know where you are, and what you do, how you do it, and costs associated. I know I've been walking around depressed since I found out about Sadie. (I am on meds for clinical depression). I moved to Maine 2 1/2 years ago from California (had to get back to the seasons after 30 years away). Gave up my CA therapist of 16 years, and see a psychiatrist every 3 months to get meds renewed. Haven't been to anyone since I got here, but I know the signs - overeating, not working well, unfocused, sleeping during the day instead of working...

So if you want to try some grief work and hospice work on someone who is going to lose a pet sometime in the near (I hope not too near) future, I would probably be a good candidate. Thanks.

Carol

Dear Carol,

I am truly sad to hear about Sadie's condition and my heart goes out to both of you. I think your hospice training and your life experience will give you extra strength and peace as you and Sadie make your final journey together.

I am encouraged that you recognize and acknowledge your signs of depression and have willing sought help. I think those two things are 50% of the healing.

I am 59 and received a Master's in Psychology from Seattle University. I have done counseling in nursing homes, as a hospice volunteer for two organizations and of course wherever I happen to be at the moment. I was a peer counselor for a rape crisis line for 10 years, 1 year for a domestice abuse line and 1 years in a hospital emergency room. I live in Kent, Washington with Ron (human) and the four pets you probably saw on the website. I have also worked with several people referred to me by my vet clinic after they lost a pet.

That said, this is a new experience for me, working with someone via email, because Mark and I are just getting it started. I normally charge $30 hr. (less if the person can't afford that) and am willing to listen and talk with you using email or my cell phone (barring any weird costs for roaming or other things they think up to charge us for). I do have nation-wide coverage thru Cingular. Which do you think would be more comfortable for you?

I would love to work with you as you go through Sadie's passing and hope that by listening and understanding, I can offer some comfort and help you through the process and around the snags. Please let me know which medication you are on and if you feel it's therapeutic normally (when you are not in crisis). Do you feel it should be increased for a short time?

Love and Healing,

Jane

Hi Jane,

I have two airedale sisters, Tessie Marie and Nicky.

As you can imagine if you've ever seen an airedale they are about as
precious as a dog can get. Very smart, loving and always fun to be
around.

I mentioned that they are 14. Isn't that a blessing. I live alone
with them in the country near a beautiful quarry in the woods where we
take our daily sniffing walk. They are terrific companions and were my
children's dogs who are now both in law school.

Recently both were diagnosed with cancer. Tessie Marie, cancer of the
mouth and Nick, a tumor on her spleen. I am 10 minutes from an
excellent animal hospital and have access to good meds and medical
advice. They both just decided that they do not want to eat their
dogfood anymore so I am now cooking them people food with lots of rice,
veggies and protein. They are on vitamins as well and sleep on comfy
foam beds at night. They are doing well but require a lot of TLC which
I'm happy to give them.

I would like to provide them with a hospice environment here as they
spiral down. It may be a bit challenging with two but I think I can
manage. It is a very calm, loving household with lots of time out for
talking to them, hugging, eating and walking. I am concerned that
Nick's tumor on her spleen could burst at some point in the middle of
the night. She is on an anti-inflammatory once a day which seems to be
doing ok and I have Turbutrol if she's in pain. So far so good.
Tessie doesn't appear to be having any pain in her mouth. They both
sleep alot. I work at home so I am here most of the time for them.

I will be speaking with my vet today to get some more anti
inflammatory for Nick. Any other meds I should have if her condition
deteriorates rapidly. I want to keep her comfortable.
Deborah

Deborah,

Those two dogs are so lucky to be with someone like you! It sounds like things will get a little rough but you have lots of love in your heart to help them and yourself get through it. You didn't mention where their beds are located but I am betting they are close to you. If not, would you consider moving them to where you sleep? If Nick does have a rupture while you're sleeping either she or Tessie Marie will let you know somehow if you are close by.

The other recommendation I usually make is talking to them honestly about their illnesses and talking to them about what to expect near the end and even what you believe death might be like. You can reassure them that you will try to be at their side unless they choose to pick a time when they are alone. I usually explain that it is as simple as taking a breath and letting it out and letting go. I believe there may be a tunnel with a bright light or just a bright light and I tell them the light is love and they should run to it. I thank them for sharing their life and love with me and others and how grateful I am they have been in my life. I usually start those conversations as soon as I realize they will not recover from the current illness. With chronically ill dogs, like my little Teacup Poodle, Abby, I have already started talking about it and telling her to pass over when she feels she can no longer tolerate her illness. I reassure her that I will keep her as comfortable as possible.

So, that is pretty much what hospice is all about. Even for pets. It's about tying up loose ends and saying the things that need to be said and about keeping the patient as pain-free and comfortable as possible and about not being afraid to totally love an animal or a person who is going to leave us - to not shut them out because we are afraid of the pain.

It sounds like you are not afraid to go the distance. Please feel free to send as many emails as you want. It always helps to talk it out. If you would like me to call just let me know and we can work out a time.

Much love to you and Nick and Tessie Marie,

Jane

Nov 12, 2004 (added by Mark Robinson)

I'm sitting on the naugahide couch at Deb's.

The sun is shining brightly through the large windows and it's warm, almost too warm inside. Outside, the first snow has left its dusty mark on what was a green, casually manicured lawn. I can hear the water dripping off the eaves as if after a light rain. It feels like summer, it looks like winter, and it sounds like spring.

But in here, it's like the twilight of a dark day at the end of the Autumn. It's the last hours of Tessie's life. The house smells damp with intermingled essences of the oils and potions Deb has been using to sooth the old airdale. There's also a hint of an unpleasant smell, but it's easy to ignore. Deb is on the floor, laying on a stained sheet, reading Rumi to the dog, who lays quietly in her arms. Tessie's mouth is swollen and slighly bloody. Nick, Tessie's twin, lays quietly beside them. It's almost time.

"When the time comes," I heard Deb say, "go toward the light, Tessie."

A sitter for Nick is coming soon and we'll take Tessie to the edge of the Rainbow Bridge, where we'll set her soul free. Her painful body is old and wretched and riddled with cancer. I doubt that Tessie will miss it for long. Her spirit, though, strengthened and infused with Deb's loving tenderness, is ready to soar.

I, too, want to die looking into the eyes of my greatest teacher. I want to be stroked, read to, hugged, and annointed with peaceful oils. I'll cup my remaining life in my hands and then, when the moment comes, let it sift through my fingers and be carried away by the wind. Nothing is lost, nothing is gone, form has just shifted a bit into thought.
- Mark Robinson - HandicappedPets.com

Mark,

Thank you for the beautiful but sad note. The death of another often leads the survivors to a new and greater awareness of life. It's their final gift to us.

Jane

From Jane, March 2005:

Just a short note to let you know that Abby, my teacup poodle and the love of my life, died this morning at 6:55 am. She finally lost her battle with chronic bronchitis. I feel like part of my soul went with her. It's amazing how much pain we can feel and still live.

Jane

Hi jane:

My 16 yr. Old chow mix bandit recently was diagnosed with neurological paralysis. She has been battling arthritis and lyme disease for several yrs. Now but has been doing o.k.

A few weeks ago her left hind leg was not moving like is should and i brought her to my vet. He took x-rays and said that a part of her spine had fused due to the arthritis and another part was just starting to fuse. He basically told me there is nothing more he can do for her, so he put her on 2.5 mg. Of a steroid every other day and tramidol for pain. He also told me it is a quality of life issue. She is eating and drinking very well, however she is having a very difficult time getting up without assistance. I have been sleeping on our couch so i can hear her when she needs to get up, and attend to her needs.

I'm just having a difficult time dealing with the fact that her time is coming to an end. I told her that i would be there for her no matter what. It's the least i can do for all the unconditional love she has given me these 16yrs. I pray to god each night that when it is her time he take her in her sleep. Am i doing the right thing by keeping her with me? I have people telling me to have her put down, but i can't do it. I tell people we don't put people down due to terminal illness, this is no different. She is my baby girl. How will i know what to do? I have had many other animals and i had to put down two of them and i keep flashing back to those times. I always question if i did the right thing. I don't want to have that feeling again. Any insight would be helpfull.

Thanks for your help.

Lori

Dear Lori,

I'm sorry to hear about the very difficult time you are having now. I understand how hard it is to have others tell you it is time to force death on your friend and life partner. I, too, had well-meaning people tell me to put my Abby down when she was struggling with chonic bronchitis for six months. But I listened to my instincts and heart and I believed that she would decide the time herself. She did exactly that and since it was her decision, it was a more peaceful death for her. Of course my grief was beyond what I thought I could endure, but endure I did. And I never had to ask if I had done the right thing. I took my cues from her. Even though she was chronically ill, she ate and drank well and was at peace by my side and even played as well as she could. Bandit will let you know when she is ready - when her physical struggle is too much for her. You will feel it and see it in her eyes if you follow your heart. I commend you for sticking with her during her final struggle - it is difficult beyond belief.

Please feel free to send updates and to express whatever feelings you need to. I'm sorry I didn't answer you sooner but I've been sick this last week and didn't check my email. Should do better now. My private email address is ok to use.

Peace to you both,

Jane